I'm going crazy!

Today started off a little rough. Emily woke up crabby, she was positive nobody loved her. Blah blah blah. I decided to take her swimming, we had a good time. Then she wanted to go to McDonald's for lunch (I rarely take her so this is a real treat). She ate a good lunch. We came home. She was playing nicely until my parents came home. Now she's crabby again. My mom says that she's been in a bad mood because I work too much. Emily is actually in a bad mood because we're living with my parents. My mom & Emily butt heads (just like I did when I was younger) and my dad is too much of a "because I said so, now do it" kind of person. Emily takes it out on me by being aggressive. Sometimes I just wish that I could send her to her dad's house for a day to give me a break but he's not even in her life. It's really hard to parent a child who you're positive hates you. I'm hoping this is a phase rather than me losing control over her at the tender age of 4.

I ran into a former co-worker of mine. I was sure her and I had a friendship going but when I left that office to open my own...I never heard from her. I was rather hurt that it wasn't really a friendship but rather an occasional buddy thing. She had alot to tell me about my previous work environment but it was really nice to look at her and say..."I couldn't believe what a stressful environment it was until I left, opened my own business and came to work with zero stress."

I'm also very disappointed in myself today. My weight loss is going the pace of a dead turtle (eewww). I wish I was more of a role model for my clients. I know why I'm not doing very well. It's because I'm depressed due to living with my parents. It's also because my mom cooks fabulous meals that are NOT on program and I eat them because I'm so exhausted that I don't want to cook a meal at 8 o'clock at night because I have to put my daughter to bed at 8:30pm. I want to savour every minute with my daughter and relax before going to bed rather than make a meal that will help me shed these pounds. Pathetic. It's also very depressing that my grandma makes comments to my mom such as..."I hope she's using that treadmill I gave her because if she wants to work in the weight loss industry, she has to show people how it's done." Fuck you, grandma. She never liked me because I was adopted and because I wasn't her blood relative.

Another thing...my over powering mother told me to pick Valentine's Day cards up for Emily after swimming. I didn't because I want to hand make them with Emily this year. When I came home to tell my mom that I didn't pick any up when she asked, she decided to go onto the computer to "print some off". I was like, "Why are you doing that today?" and she responded with "Fine, I won't then!" and got all pissy. Excuse me, lady, but this is our project and you can just back off! She's trying to fix all the parenting mistakes she made with me & my brother (she told me this herself) and do things the "right way" with Emily. But she has to remember that....it's not her fucking kid! She's MY kid and I will parent MY WAY.

I better go and get Emily ready for bed. She's going down early tonight because of her crabby day without a nap (she's trying to wean herself off weekend napping).
I can't wait to go to work tomorrow.