What I don't want...

So I took a pregnancy test yesterday. I used First Response. The box said that if the test was taken 3 days before your cycle is due there was a 83% accuracy. It was negative! Now I'm just hoping that I don't fall into that 17% and end up being pregnant. Friday, my cycle should show up. Phew!

In the meantime, I have figured out what I don't want. And that is someone who is divorced (like C), someone who has children but who accepts mine (nothing against kids, I love them but if a man has a child, he's still linked with his ex). Women are evil, I don't want a man with baggage! My story is a little easier to accept for a guy because I have nothing to do with my daughter's father, so there's no threat to another guy. He also can't be a mama's boy. I think the relationship should be strong between a man and his mother but I'd like him weaned off the tit. I'm not going to enter a relationship with a guy who expects me to be HIS mom. And then there's the little stuff....he has to have a good sex drive (to keep up with me! ha ha), I have to be physically attracted to the guy, out of the party stage but doesn't mind going out every now and then. He also has to drink socially (I feel guilty when I drink around a non-drinker)...don't get me wrong, I only drink 1-2 times a year! Those are the main points.

I think I've finally made a decision...I'm going to start the adoption process, for sure, this fall. I really want a little girl from Guatemala (it's a toss up between Ava & Tayjah for names). I might try and convince my daughter she wants a brother instead of a sister...we'll see how far we get. I briefly looked into using a donor and getting pregnant myself but...a pregnancy would slow my career down. I'd rather be paper pregnant...no morning sickness, no tiredness, I can still work full-time until the baby comes. Ideal for me.

I guess I better get my little buns to work since I only have to work from 11am to 5pm today. The joys of being self-employed (my parents are out of town for a few days and can't pick Emily up from her dayhome so mommy gets to do it!!).

Have a good Wednesday!

Back To Work Tomorrow

My brother came up for the weekend. It was nice except we stayed up playing games until 1am. I was so ready to go to bed by 10pm. Emily really enjoyed having her uncle around too. She becomes his little shadow, it's really cute.

We just finished watching Matilda, a very cute show. I remember reading the book in grade 3. I know the movie has been out for awhile but it has taken me this long to watch it. Now I'm ready for a nap. I am soooo tired today. I'm surprised since I did get 7 hours sleep.

I haven't seen C since Thursday. My parents, my bro, Emily & I went out for breakfast this morning and Emily spotted C. He had just showed up and we were all leaving. I think C & I will go for coffee tonight. Maybe.

I found Emily's longform birth certificate so I am now relieved and I can send her passport application (and mine) off tomorrow.

It's been a few quiet days around here. Nothing to report.
Back to work tomorrow...

Nothing Exciting Happening

The last few days haven't been very exciting.
C & I took the kids swimming on Thursday night. That was fun. Emily & I had a great time together in the "big pool". The warm kiddie pool was closed so we had to go in the deep, cold regular swimming pool. We made the best of it!

Yesterday was an awful day. I'm trying to get our (Emily & I) passports done and sent away so we can go on our cruise. It is sooooo frustrating. I was ready to walk into a government building and go ballistic! ha ha. My stress level was through the roof and I was really grumpy. I'm kind of freaking out....even though I don't want to go on the cruise because my family is all going to be there, I'm going to make the best of it. BUT we need our passports in our hands 30 days prior to boarding the boat. TIME IS TICKING! The only comfort I have is that we have to put our date of travel on the application. I hope they see that and put us towards the front of the line. I'm sure everything will work out fine as long as I can find Emily's longform birth certificate (I have to prove that her b.c. states that there is no father) either today or tomorrow...2 days should be plenty of time!

I have been living on gravol the last few days. Late afternoon to early evening it'll hit me like a ton of bricks! I'm not sure whether my body is fighting off a bug or it's....you know. I'm trying not to look into it too much but it's definately something you CAN'T ignore.

I guess I should go back to bed since I have to work today (my day off), but that's what happens when you're the business owner. Oh well, that means I won't have as much work to do on Monday! I can always dream.

ZZZzzzz...

Freaking Out

I should never have looked.
I went to mymonthlycycles because I started charting everything a few months ago. Today I'm fertile. Things happened around midnight Saturday night/1am Sunday morning (just over 48 hours ago). Sperm can live inside a woman's body for 72 hours! On Saturday I also experienced PMS-like cramping, was I ovulating then and mymonthlycycles is wrong? Aaaahhh!!
How can I not freak out? I've gotten myself so worried, my bowels are now in overdrive (that's what happens when I'm nervous).
I guess my Valentine's Day of 2007 is going to go something like this..."Happy Valentine's Day, I'm pregnant!" or "Happy Valentine's Day, I'm not pregnant & we are damn lucky!"
When I was pregnant with Emily, I had implantation bleeding around the time my cycle was due (apparently this is rare?) & the ONLY symptom I had before I knew I was pregnant was dizziness.
I have never wanted to see my cycle so bad in my life...come on Feb 2nd!

Uh Oh (Warning: TMI)

I'm mainly typing this for my own records. In the heat of the moment we turned into two irresponsible kids. Neither of us had protection so we went without, he pulled out but I think it might have been a little too late. I'm hoping Mother Nature is on our side and doesn't give us a BFP if I'm late. I soooooo don't want to be pregnant on my cruise!
1st day of last cycle: January 4th
The Moment: January 13th on the verge of the 14th (day 10/11)
They say that you can conceive 10-14 days after the first day of your cycle. Online calculators are saying that I'm not supposed to ovulate until January 18th. I think we'll be okay!
Hoping AF shows on Feb 2nd!

Update: Went for coffee this evening. He asked me what kind of house I was wanting to buy. I said it must have 3 bedrooms. He was like, "Why? Are you expecting another one?" I was like "Hell, NO!" He asked me if I was on the pill. I said no. His eyes got really big. He asked me when my last cycle was. I told him January 4th. He seemed so...okay with the possibility I could be pregnant. Let me tell you it was a shock of the night! He shrugged it off and was like, "oh well". He knows I want to adopt #2, maybe he secretly wants another child. Now I'm a little freaked out!!! I go on a cruise in March, open Canmore in April. I don't have time for a baby!!!!!!

Headed in the Wrong Direction

C and I took the kids swimming on Thursday. I knew if I didn't go swimming, I would have come home from work and went straight to bed. I was so tired. Then we went out for hot chocolate (I had bottled water) at Timmy's. I thought I was going to fall asleep right then and there but I survived through it.

Last night, Barb (she's my part-timer right now, she's going to be my manager for the centre in Canmore) and I went for dinner. We had a great time. But I received a few questionable text messages from C while I was enjoying my dinner. C knows that I only work until 7pm so these messages were big red flags.

7:59pm - "Have you decided to give me the silent treatment?"
9:06pm- "So are you done work?"
9:11pm- "So what are you doing now?"

It seemed like the more I ignored him the more he wanted to know. Maybe it's just making small talk, but the silent treatment comment was a little too much. I could have been busy (which was the excuse I used), my phone could have been dead or something could have happened to me. Whatever.

He'll be a good guy to hang out with...but that's it. No relationship from me.

Anyways, I should go. I'm done work and now I'm going into the city to get a little bit of shopping done. Happy Saturday!

Are Rules Made to be Broken?

My personal rule to myself after my relationship dissolved with T was to never marry anyone who had been divorced. Now I'm not saying that C and I are going to get married tomorrow, definately not!

It's just that we don't see eye to eye on a few majorly important things. He's going through a divorce, I don't know what it's like to even be married nevermind go through a nasty divorce. He has joint custody of his son, I have my daughter 100% of the time and I have to play the role as mom AND dad. He doesn't know what that's like to be the sole parent. He also has committment issues....so did T. I'm assuming that's from going through a divorce with a woman who basically took everything they owned except for his underwear.

The very few things we don't understand about eachother (the things I mentioned above) could put a huge strain on a marriage as well as our kids and any future children that could enter the picture. I really enjoy my time with him but I know getting into a serious relationship would be a recipe for disaster.

I don't want to make any choices that would result in regret. So this brings me to this question...are personal rules you set for yourself made to be broken?

Let Me Look At You

So C & I went out for coffee again last night...went out at around 9pm. Had our coffee. Went for a drive. Went back to his house for a little while. And I got home around 1am. Yikes! Ha ha.

I came into work this morning and found out I lost 4.8 pounds this week!! Woohoo! I also ordered a few Winsor Pilates videos from Chapters online. I was inspired after seeing these results... http://www.picturetrail.com/highlands (scroll down towards the bottom of the page). In the meantime, I'll still be walking my butt off on my treadmill and elliptical machine!

Hopefully, C & I will be able to take the kids swimming this week. I think sitting in the hottub at the pool yesterday really helped my back. It was great to get out!

Have a wonderful Monday!

My NEW Distraction

On December 30th, I ran into a guy that used to be a lifeguard at the pool I frequented, we'll call him 'C'. His 2 co-workers were also lifeguards and they were brothers...they became almost like MY big brothers (and still to this day we maintain that relationship). Well C asked if I wanted to go for coffee (we ran into eachother at the movie store) so we went for a quick coffee. We exchanged phone numbers (he's a single dad now & I'm a single mom so we are definately similar) and I figured that this would be a cool new hangout buddy. We've text messaged eachother a everyday since then, we've taken the kids sledding and he's come swimming with Emily and I once now.

Last night he wanted to know if I wanted to go for coffee. I was definately all for it. Adult time with no kids! Woohoo! Then we decided to go to a movie. I enjoyed it. He made the move and invited me to his house after the movie....we watched another movie...kind of. We chatted through the movie and he tickled the crap out of me. ha ha. I think there's chemistry. He's definately my new distraction. I'm just hoping that I'm not his rebound from his failed marriage. He came swimming with us today and made the comment at how 16 years ago he was the lifeguard and I was the little 8 year old water rat ....now look where we are now. I couldn't believe it. They always said that the guy you may end up with (now I'm just hypothetically speaking) will be the one who was right under your nose!

It's rather nice to be flirty again. To have a guy who takes my mind off business & parenting for just a few hours!

I'll post updates on what goes on...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

It was a nice evening...ringing in the New Year in the hottub like I said in my last post.
Christmas is over, New Years is over...time to get back to life as normal.
I look forward to blogging throughout 2007!